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Elizabeth Weintraub
The Morning of New Year’s Eve in Key West
Key West Hotel Pool on Oceanfront
Not surprisingly, Key West guidebooks don’t tell you that if you stay at an oceanfront resort near Mallory Square, you might very well wake up to a docked honkin’ huge cruise ship blocking your view of sunrises until evening sunsets. It’s not like these floating cities are indiscreet or small, they take up the space of 3 city blocks. Yet, the party goes on and on, just like Peter Gabriel’s ghost likes to travel. It’s a good time to celebrate New Year’s Eve in Key West.
White pelicans look so intelligent
This New Year’s Eve morning in Key West, the cruise ship is gone. Herring gulls are screeching, flying back and forth near our balconies; and I can only imagine that this behavior is due to some hotel guests either deliberately feeding them or thoughtlessly leaving food scraps where the birds can reach. It’s like gulls are yelling: get up, it’s 8:00 a.m.; where’s my bagel? The sounds of birds certainly beats that persnickety baby whining down below, and I’m so relieved his parents had the good sense to pick up their bottles of beer and chocolate doughnuts and wheel the kid off the pier.
Key West Pier Early Afternoon
If that doesn’t wake you up, Room Service will. We could leave a note on the door-hanger order that asks the deliverer to quietly open the door, deposit the cart and leave, like I have done on other occasions. There is no reason I need to meet face-to-face with a food-service cart pusher when my hair looks like it got caught in a blender on the way to the door, with one arm in my robe and the other sleeve over my leg dragging the tie.
Bougainvillea in hotel lobby at Key West
After one is up and retreats to her balcony to place laptop in lap because the table is too low to type, unless one wants to plant fat butt on hard cold ceramic floor, there is no going back to sleep. The hotel guys are busy pushing out all of the carts, grills, tables, folding chairs, cut-out palm tree stands and other important decorative accessories to the pier, clanging, jangling. Tonight, all of Key West will descend on this place to watch the Key Lime Ball drop and celebrate New Year’s Eve in Key West. Our bellman — who told us “we do not judge in Key West,” yet some fool pushed our tutu-wearing bellman off his bike and gave him a gash on his forehead — will be there, no doubt.
Pink Floyd Singer in Mallory Square
Elbow-to-elbow bodies, spilling drinks on each other, shrieking, hollering, dancing, bumping and grinding, singing at the top of their merry little COPD lungs and having a helluva good time, which they will not remember the following morning. I wish I could show you a photo of the Key Lime Ball drop, as I am in a good position to do so. But that would require staying up until midnight to enjoy a proper New Year’s Eve in Key West, and that just ain’t gonna happen.
Photos: Elizabeth Weintraub and Adam Weintraub
Flippers Grandkids at the Dolphin Research Center
Dolphin Research Center, Florida Keys
Before heading to Key West today with our luggage in the back seat — because these darned Mustangs are not built like a Porsche, featuring rear and front luggage compartments, not that a person in my party has too many bags of luggage, and I’m not saying whom — my husband and I decided to drive luggage free yesterday to visit the extended family of Flipper at the Dolphin Research Center in Marathon at Grassy Key.
I first heard about the bottlenose dolphin family of Flipper’s children and grandchildren from Myrl Jeffcoat when she visited the Florida Keys a couple of years ago. This woman is often my inspiration for travel as she comes up with the best ideas of places to go; however, I had forgotten her trip to Florida until the subject of dolphins arose. Not much has changed since Myrl was there.
The Michael Jackson Dolphin Moon Walk
This is not Sea World, by any stretch. Proceeds from the programs, entertainment, entrance fees and gift shop go to support this nonprofit in its research of dolphins. My husband says the **original owner went off the deep end after founding the place and becoming move involved with the dolphins, like he was certain that dolphins communicated with aliens. Hey, I say, if cats can do it, why not dolphins? I’m open-minded that way.
Each dolphin has a name, responds to an individual whistle and develops its own particular personality. They can live 25 to 50 years, obviously much less in the wild, although they seem to remain childlike. In some ways, they are much like humans. Mothers protect their children. They laugh. They play with toys. They can be bribed with food, and they can do stupid human tricks. They watch us. People walking down a boardwalk are great entertainment for them, much like sitting on the front porch, sipping a sarsaparilla and watching traffic, I imagine.
These marvelous sweet creatures will do flips in the air, walk backwards on their tail, swim at a super fast speed like superman, flap their fins in the water like they are marching, as well as take tourists for a ride through the water by letting them hang on their dorsal. Many visitors from all over the world come to the Dolphin Research Center. Most of the programs involve a separate fee, then a professional photographer takes photos of the tourists and sells those photos at the end of the session.
If you like, you can also buy a door draft — it’s a stuffed dolphin toy with an incredibly long tail. The staff at the gift shop counter ties them into long rope and plays jump rope after hours. Because we asked what was up with the goofy dolphin, stoner-like dude gave us that explanation after he joked that we would not imagine — just so we wouldn’t have to imagine a Portlandia-like episode of gyrating orgies on the counter, which it was too late for. I just bought a t-shirt and a tiny dolphin souvenir. Couldn’t help myself.
Gambit at the Dolphin Research Center, Florida
Glued to the TV as a kid in the early 1960s, I had watched every episode of Flipper. Living in Florida seemed so exciting to this Midwestern girl, airboat rides through the Everglades and Flipper. What wasn’t to like about Florida? I asked how many dolphins played Flipper on TV, wondering if it was a situation like with the many dogs who played Lassie, but the tour guide swears it was only one dolphin with two stand-ins, in case Flipper was busy eating fish or something.
**My husband was mistaken — he was thinking about John Lilly from St. Thomas and NOT the founder of the Dolphin Research Center, and he apologizes for the mistake. Me? I just write what he tells me and when he realizes I have done so, he makes amends.
Photos: Elizabeth Weintraub and Adam Weintraub
The Difference Between 21 and 61 at Lorelei’s Restaurant
In Limbo Gift Shop Overseas Highway Islamorada
Hungry, thirsty and sitting in the rain on a hard chair — even if it’s on a beach and surrounded by tipsy, happy people — is not my idea of a fun time. It was at one time, though. See, I like to believe that when we get older, we become more tolerant, even if it’s not really true in all aspects. We do tend to become more forgiving of others. We don’t expect other people to be perfect because we’re wise enough to realize that everybody is flawed. We all have our quirks.
Mine is service. I expect to get service at establishments that provide service. When I don’t receive service, I get grumpy. It takes my husband much longer to reach that plateau, but he eventually gets there, too.
Sailboat at Islamorada Sunset
When I was in my 20s, like many of today’s kids, I didn’t really give a crap if I sat in a chair at a restaurant and no server approached my table to take my order because it was a treat just to sit in a chair at a restaurant. If I wanted a drink, I could ask my date to go to the bar and get it, or I could get my own then skinny butt up out of the chair and get it myself. Which is what I thought about doing last night just before it started to rain.
At first, it was just a drizzle. The band had stopped playing. My hair was already a tangled mess, and I did not care if the light mist falling turned it into a frizzled jungle. The waiter at Lorelei’s stopped by our table after we patiently waited for 20 minutes, tapped it with his fingers, “I’ll be right there,” he promised, and then ran off kicking up sand, as though to show us how fast he would return to make good on his promise. I watched the lights sparkle, wound tightly around the palm trees. He didn’t come back. Another 10 minutes passed. He especially didn’t return after the downpour started; yet guests at the other tables continued drinking and laughing.
Right there is the difference between 21 and 61. We left. There are plenty of other restaurants in Islamorada. Places where everything is not deep fried.
Photos: Gift shop in Islamorada featuring kickass 1960’s stuff, and a sailboat at Sunset, by Elizabeth Weintraub
American Crocodiles and Florida Keys Manatees in the Everglades
Everglades National Park at Flamingo
People will tell you that there are no crocodiles that live in the wild in the continental United States but “people be wrong.” How do I know this? Because we visited several more national parks in Florida yesterday, and not only did I learn about the distinctions between alligators vs. crocodiles, but I actually spotted a crocodile swimming in the canal in front of the Marina store at the Flamingo Visitor Center in Everglades National Park.
In my excitement to capture him on film, I ran around the entire cement rectangle. When I first noticed the crocodile, he was swimming away from the dock in front of the Marina store where I was standing with camera in hand and clutching a cheap-ass pink Everglades T-shirt made in Haiti. I figured that if I could get to the other side of the marina before he did, I could shoot a great photo of his entire silvery body and beautiful whopping big head. Panting, I scampered down the ramp and gingerly tiptoed out on the dock.
Crocodiles live in ocean water. Flamingo, Florida, is about the northern-most point in the United States where a crocodile will venture because that’s where the salt water meets fresh water. You can easily tell the difference between an alligator and crocodile because a crocodile’s teeth hang out and are bared, whereas an alligator keeps her teeth neatly tucked inside her lips. Crocodiles are also more gray with a slight hint of green and alligators are black or dark gray. But it’s the teeth that easily differentiate.
The crocodile was mesmerizing. Big ol’ eyes staring. Staring at me. Uh-oh, he saw me. I temporarily forgot that I was standing on the dock with my camera in hand, switched to the On position, ready to shoot. The minute I raised my camera to my eye, the crocodile slipped under the brackish water. I captured a a sinking silver streak.
Elizabeth Weintraub’s Manatee Made in China
All was not lost at the Flamingo Visitor Center. On the other side, where the boats are put into the water, some guy pulling up his canoe looked at us and asked: What does a manatee look like? Here, I had completely written off getting to see a Florida Keys manatee in the wild. I was so certain we would not see a manatee that I bought a small plastic manatee made in China at the national park at Biscayne Bay just so I could take a picture of it. See, the thing is if you spot a manatee in the Everglades, you most likely only see a snout sticking up through the water and, from a distance, it can look like a a coconut. Receiving an opportunity to actually see a manatee up close was very unlikely.
But there she was. Right next to the dock. Poking that cute little nose up through the filthy water littered with trash and cigarette butts. My very own Florida Keys manatee. She said: Hi, do you have any Grey Poupon? They will eat small fish but these mammals are primarily vegetarians.
Florida Keys Manatee at Flamingo Visitor Center
Manatees are protected in Florida. They are endangered. Careless boaters run over them and leave big gashes on their backs. Probably the single biggest issue that causes a reduction in the number of manatees in Florida is loss of habitat. They can grow to 800 to 1200 pounds. Their closest relative is the elephant, and they are so danged sweet-looking and inquisitive that you can’t help but want to pet them.
A skinny little boy who didn’t quite reach my waist, bouncing a head of soft black curls, said he wanted to jump into the water and hug the manatee. When I asked if he could swim and he shook his head No, his sister volunteered to help him swim — that’s how badly these kids hanging out at the dock wanted to play with a Florida Keys manatee. The thought crossed my mind that I could jump in the water myself, but without any food to entice the mammal, I suspected the manatee would swim away.
See, I may have the instincts of a child at times, but I possess at least one thing that children do not. Foresight.
Photos: Elizabeth Weintraub, Everglades National Park at Flamingo
Reasons to Choose a Boutique Resort in Islamorada
If you really can’t stand the sound of kids squealing and screaming and enormously loud Texans hollering at each other, then a smaller boutique resort in Islamorada, Florida, might be perfect for your next vacation. Maybe it’s just me, but I grow increasingly uncomfortable when I am shoved into tiny hotel rooms where the TV doesn’t work, there are no robes and slippers, and room service always messes up breakfast. I much prefer a place where the manager stops by to introduce herself and mentions that our travel agent forced her to do it or else.
When asked if there is anything else she could do for us, I hesitated. Should I tell her that the surface of the floor in our main room is carpeted and would be dramatically improved if she would install engineered hardwood, such as perhaps hickory plank? That a moving walkway down to the beach would be lovely? Or, that I have no intention of wearing the life jackets she said the Coast Guard requires us to wear in order to go paddle boarding? I think not. Things would be different if I ran this resort in Islamorada.
Instead, we asked for an in-room coffee pot. Well, my husband requested it and then he blamed it on me. Which meant that I was now forced to come up with something else that she could do for us. I brought up the fact that our threshold to the bathroom is raised and not properly installed, leaving an inch-and-a-half drop onto the marble flooring in the bath — in other words, it is a toe-stubber. There is no smooth transition.
Even though I do feel that sheer curtains around the bed, since there is a frame for the curtains, would lend a certain amount of dramatic flair, I did not mention it. Lips zipped. Overall, the best words I can use to describe this Islamorada resort are uncomplicated, refined elegance. If you start to improve it too much, the ambience would vanish. Still, hardwood floors, gotta say. Would make this lovely resort in Islamorada all that more lovely.
While at the Green Turtle Inn last night sipping my Turtle Tini, which is decadence times 11: like a Snicker’s Bar with salted caramel and a combination of at least 3 creamy chocolate-laced liqueurs, I received a signed counter offer. You may wonder why I was checking my cell but it was all lit up to advise that Feastivus is awaiting me in Plants vs. Zombies. I love putting Sacramento homes into escrow.
Photos of a resort in Islamorada by Elizabeth Weintraub
