Why Parental Guidelines on Television Do Not Register

The Weintraub cats are allowed to watch any television show their hearts desire.

Perhaps, like me, you have been wondering about TV parental guidelines, meaning what does your mother have to do with a television show, and why is she connected to Las Vegas? My mother, bless her cremated soul, would never be caught dead in Las Vegas. That would be so out of character for her. It would be like a monk voting for Donald Trump. Like our cat begging us to get a dog. Like it snowing in August in downtown Sacramento. Some things have no relation to the other. Although I suppose we can’t rule out the effects of climate change . . ..

I noticed last night that almost every television show or movie my husband records for us is preempted by parental guidelines, most often the initials: MA LSV. It’s something that’s been going for a while, maybe years for all I know, and I’ve never really noticed it before. It’s one of those things that registers in the back of my brain but that’s as far as it goes. Like a date stamp on an email. I’ve got so many other things to think about it, that those preempting initials simply slipped by. The fact it was parental guidelines did not register.

MA does many things on television, apparently. She’s not always going to Las Vegas. Sometimes she goes to Fountain Valley which, if you don’t know, is next to Huntington Beach in southern California’s Orange County. But I guess you can tell that we don’t have any children at home. Just the cats. And I realize that people with children tend to get all bent out of shape whenever they mention their children and I bring up one of my cats. They don’t see the correlation at all. It makes them bristle.

I’ve learned that when a client says her child picked up head lice at school, I should not offer up a vivid description of what happened when our cats contracted ringworm. For one thing, it’s completely and totally disgusting, and for another, well, let’s just say again, parents of children see absolutely no correlation between the two. Even if they also happen to enjoy a nest of hamsters, cats or dogs at home. I might be a bit of a troublemaker but I have no cause to try to tick off my Sacramento real estate clients. There is no upside to that kind of behavior.

However, if you really insist, I do have photos on my cellphone I can show you of our three cats. Just don’t ask me to explain parental guidelines.