Email ElizabethThe Undead No-Suicide Brother in Minneapolis
For all of my readers who often skim through paragraphs of my Sacramento real estate blog, let me start by clarifying that my brother is undead and did not die by suicide. He may be dying from stage 4 cancer, which was a bit of a shock to me, but he is still alive. The strange thing is I was thinking about him a few days ago while I was out in our 106-degree heat, riding my bicycle around William Land Park and listening to Gram Parsons / Emmy Lou through my Bluebuds. We were pretty inseparable as kids — a year apart. People used to think we were twins.
But then as things sometimes go in families, we drifted apart. It wasn’t a slow separation, my brother just decided at some point during his marriage that he no longer wanted to associate with his parent’s side of the family. Nobody knows why. We exhausted efforts to turn him around. It’s one of those things that one finally accepts that cannot be changed.
Which goes to show it wasn’t a completely odd reaction from me after a pair of detectives appeared yesterday morning on my sister’s doorstep in Minneapolis. I believe they were from the Hennepin County Sheriff’s department. The police told my sister our brother is dead. Committed suicide. Said he jumped off the Ford Bridge over the Mississippi. Since the river divides Minneapolis from Saint Paul, the body had drifted to the Saint Paul side, which was why Ramsey County health authorities or the Saint Paul Police department were also involved in the investigation.
My sister was sobbing. I was in shock. My brother committed suicide? Nobody in our family died by suicide. Although, everybody’s family is dysfunctional in some way.
Now, the Ford Bridge is by 46th Street, which runs near my brother’s home in south Minneapolis. It was conceivable. The detectives said he left his bike and guitar on the bridge. I could see that. My husband found a website set up for donations to help with my brother’s medical bills, but the funding had been cut off a few weeks ago. That’s how we found out he was diagnosed with Stage 4 cancer. A phone number at the bottom belonged to a woman. I called, she answered; I mentioned that she had my maiden name so we were probably related.
The woman appeared a bit annoyed and impatient. I tried to be calm and sensitive. Turns out she is my brother’s son’s wife. I asked if she was sitting down because I didn’t know if she was driving or what. I did not correct her, btw, when she said my brother has 4 sisters, which he does not. I quietly shared the news I had received about his death. She choked. Then hammered me for details. Promised to call me back after she spoke to her mother-in-law. But she never called. She must have found out immediately after my call that my brother was undead, but she didn’t tell me.
Later in the day, my sister called to say she had finally reached my sister-in-law and, surprise, my brother was sitting right there. Undead. He was now the no-suicide brother. The police had mixed him up with some other bridge jumper. How bizarre is that? You can’t trust the police when they show up on your doorstep to deliver the news a relative has died? All that emotional upheaval. Of course, it doesn’t change the fact my brother is still dying, probably very soon.
My sister asked if she could see our brother. It doesn’t look like that will happen.
It seemed appropriate to watch another episode of Fargo, the TV series. Just wait until his family starts searching online for an Affidavit of Death.
Selling a Home With a PITA Tenant in Sacramento
A reasonable person would conclude that it’s kinda stupid to turn into a PITA tenant when your landlord is selling your home and you need a future reference, but the odds of running into a reasonable person under these circumstances is kinda slim. I’ve met some wonderfully cooperative tenants in my real estate career but those were primarily the guys I plied with alcohol. There were also a few tenants I didn’t have to bribe, who were kind, considerate and all around super nice people but somebody has probably killed them by now or they moved to Alaska.
I encountered a PITA tenant recently in Fair Oaks. I called to make an appointment to view the home and take photographs because the seller is hiring me to sell his home. It was previously in MLS but did not sell for a variety of reasons, one of which I suspect involved tenant sabotage. I say this because when I called, the tenant was immediately defensive and combative. She argued intensely with me about the photographs, which are owned by the previous agent. She felt they were beautiful — featuring a hamster cage in the middle of the living room floor — and rattled on about how she knows what good real estate photographs are supposed to look like. She carried on like she shot them herself, and maybe she did.
After much complaining by the tenant, I was able to set an appointment for next week. Due to the tenant’s combativeness — to be on the safe side and comply with CA Civil Code 1954a, which gives sellers or their agents the right to show a property for sale with 24 hours notice — I prepared a written Notice of Entry. However, the tenant turned into a screaming lunatic when presented with the document. She has no way to legally refuse entry but my California real estate license does not include going into the home packing heat. Unfortunately, that seller, with a balloon payment looming, now can’t sell his home due to the tenant. The poor guy will probably be forced into short sale territory after the PITA tenant eventually vacates.
I have another home in Lincoln coming up for sale next week. We’ve been trying for several months to list the home for sale but the tenant has refused to cooperate. These tenants are doctors, too. Just goes to show that medical physicians are not exempt from being a PITA tenant. They don’t care about receiving a good recommendation because they are closing a home and no longer need to rent. Their attitude is screw the landlord. They don’t care. Sue ’em. They can afford a judgment.
Sugar and honey doesn’t always work.
That’s the thing about being a busy Sacramento real estate agent. We get an up-close and personal view of the underbelly of society: the PITA tenants. The best way to sell a tenant-occupied home in Sacramento is when it is vacant. Sacramento homes for sale that are vacant are a) easier to show b) show better, and c) they also tend to bring top dollar, which often more than makes up for the vacancy factor.
The Best Place to Retire
I am having a really hard time deciding the best place to retire, where I want to go to die, because let’s face it, the places where people go to retire are usually the places where they stay until they kick the bucket. When you reach a certain age, like 70 or 80, say, you’re not likely to move around again, unless maybe you’re that poor guy Casey Kasem. I mean, what if I choose the wrong place and I hate it, and I can’t leave? What if there is a better place to choose, and I didn’t go there? My life has not been comprised of permanent decisions.
My girlfriend who works as a professional clown in Austin picked her place to die a long time ago. I reminded her of that over the weekend. She’s not ever moving again, I pointed out. She will die where she lives in Texas. Maybe not right there on her 10 acres of land, but that will be her home when the end comes. I’m sure she probably didn’t think about her last days on earth when she initially bought her home, but that’s how it’s working out for her. She likes living in the country. She’s happy at home, with her garden, pets and a pool to jump into during those hot summer days in Texas.
She’s so lucky.
I, on the other hand, have a really hard time making permanent decisions. For a long time when I was younger, I was dearly frightened of coloring my hair because it was a permanent color solution. If I had known you could strip color and start over, I would have begun coloring my hair much earlier. The word permanent means forever, and I can’t wrap my brain around that notion. Maybe that’s why I’ve been married 5 times.
I like knowing I have options. If something doesn’t work out, I have the power to change it. There are no bad decisions, just detours.
It’s why I don’t sport a tattoo. Other than the fact I am a big wuss when it comes to pain. You want to operate on me in some sort of fashion, you better make sure I am sedated. A cortisone shot in the back? I get put out. Dental work? Sound asleep. Besides, I don’t trust the tattoo guys. I’d wake up to find the state of Alaska tattooed on my back instead of a cute butterfly on my wrist. And I can’t get a butterfly because a seahorse on my ankle might be cuter. I can’t make up my mind. Because it can’t be changed later. No really, there’s always a scar. It’s permanent.
I’ve never had any kids because it’s a permanent commitment. You can’t disown a kid or toss them out into the back yard to fend for themselves. Hey, you guys, go eat some grass. They scream and make a fuss when they are babies, and when they grow up, they move back home. No, thanks. You always have to remember their birthdays, and then they have kids. Their kids have kids. It’s a never-ending cycle, and it all started with you making that decision to have kids. Not me.
But I have no problem telling other people what to do. Nope, see that cliff over there? Jump off. No, don’t pinch your nose or look down, just run and leap. OK, one less person on the earth to worry about. And more time for me to spend wondering where in the world I want to go to die and why I can’t seem to face that choice. The best thing to do is not think about it and continue selling real estate in Sacramento. I have a long ways to go yet.
A Solution for Home Buyers Facing a Contingency Release Deadline
A Sacramento real estate agent who represents sellers is generally vigilant about following the terms of the purchase contract and asking buyers for a contingency release upon the specified dates. Unless otherwise altered, buyers typically agree to release inspection contingencies, loan and appraisal contingencies by the 17th day. The listing agent is sometimes viewed as an ogre or a downright meanie if her seller asks the buyer to perform in accordance with the contract.
It’s not unusual after a request for contingency release for this listing agent to receive from the buyer’s agent a tirade of blistering words, mish-mashed together in a denunciatory nature, sounding as though the buyer’s agent is angry but lacks an ability to grasp the right words to get the point across. Sort of reminds me of Daffy Duck sputtering you’re despicable. The buyer’s agent generally ends the diatribe with the supposed justification of: I’m just protecting my buyer.
One can’t help but wonder that if an agent is protecting the buyer, why is the agent advising the buyer to breach the contract?
As a standard of practice and care for my clients, we send buyer’s agents an email notice as a courtesy the day before a contingency release is coming up. We ask politely to send us the CR form and remind the agent that a contingency needs to be released. In some cases, you’d think we asked them to strip naked and dance in the streets. Shield the eyes. Some agents have never heard of the contingency release. Some prefer to explode over it. Fortunately, most buyer’s agents respond in an appropriate manner. But some don’t.
If we don’t receive a contingency release, though, the next step is to ask our sellers if they want to issue a Notice to the Buyer to Perform. This gives the buyers 2 days to produce the document or the seller may have the right to cancel the transaction. Will the seller cancel if the buyer doesn’t perform? Some sellers will cancel the purchase contract faster than you can say sore losers shouldn’t talk to the press after losing at Belmont Stakes — especially if the sellers have backup buyers willing to pay more.
The biggest issue is generally not the inspection contingency that generates the reluctance, it’s releasing the loan contingency. Not to mention, there’s a whole ‘nother discussion as to whether a Small Claims Court judge would even award an earnest money deposit to a seller, but buyers and their agents don’t know that. The simple solution is if a buyer needs more time — due to the way loans are scrutinized with all the delays going on in today’s market — then the buyer, through her buyer’s agent, can ask to extend the contingency through an Extension of Time addendum.
It’s not the listing agent’s job, however, to tell the buyer’s agent what to do or how to protect the agent’s buyer. An Extension of Time (ETA), if agreed to by all parties, can extend a particular contingency period in the purchase contract. Stay in contract. Don’t breach it, don’t let it expire, stay in contract.
What John Wayne, Newport Beach and Arrested Development Share in Common
Back when I used to live in Newport Beach, California, and sell real estate in that Orange County mecca, during the 1970s-1980s — I hate to add, before many of my clients were born — John Wayne was a pretty big deal; probably still is. I am presently reading John Wayne: the Life and Legend, by Scott Eyman. I can see some of you saying, John Who? When I cruised by Lido Isle in my Bayliner, out-of-town guests would ask me to point out his house where Pilar Wayne at the time lived. They named the Orange County Airport after him and put up a 9-foot bronze statue, although the Duke was six-three-point five. It was this statue that got me into a lot of hot water.
Mostly because I had the gall to poke fun at its politics by suggesting they place the statue at the entrance to the harbor where seagulls could poop on it, instead of sticking it up at the airport where it now resides. I believe that was a piece I wrote as a freelancer for the Daily Pilot, a newspaper in Newport Beach. All holy hell broke loose over that. John Wayne was a person larger-than-life and one of the few celebrities we had in Newport Beach back then, besides Joey Bishop.
The same thing happened when I contributed an article to the Orange County Register about selling real estate. I thought it was hilarious, suggesting that most real estate agents were actually unemployed, but the Board of REALTORS in Newport Harbor would have banned me for life if they could. No sense of humor, these people.
If you asked people outside of the area where Newport Beach was located back then, they probably could not tell you and, if they could somehow pinpoint it on a map, they were confused by the fact it faced south. If you lived there, people thought you were filthy rich, even if you weren’t. It was a fairly conservative climate, to put it mildly, except for some of the people who lived near the beach.
As a person who would not belong to any club that wanted her as a member, for a few years I belonged to the Balboa Bay Club, if you can believe that. I served on the Kentucky Derby Day committee one year, before my best friend Betty passed away, even though I had nothing of substance to contribute and little in common with anybody except Betty. This was when publisher Bob Page approached me about writing a social column about the BBC, which I rejected.
Having lived on the Balboa Peninsula makes watching Arrested Development all that more amusing for me. Especially the scenes filmed at the Balboa Pier and Fun Zone. My favorite activities did not involve eating frozen bananas, but fell more along the lines of playing skeeball and riding the ferris wheel. It’s probably one of the reasons I never get tired today of biking over to Old Sacramento. Although we are missing essential elements such as the ocean and the bay, we do have the river. Two rivers. And we don’t have a statue of John Wayne anywhere.
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