Other Sacramento Movie Theaters Pale in Comparison

Best of all Sacramento movie theaters is the new Century Arden.

Quite possibly I am among the only three people left in the world who did not see Guardians of the Galaxy, Vol 1, in any of our Sacramento movie theaters, and I certainly did not exhibit any enthusiasm about watching it on TV. My husband’s intentions, I believe, were to bring me up to speed on the first movie, which would then entice me to go the movies to see Guardians of the Galaxy, Vol. 2. A plan that backfired, initially.

Bear in mind I knew nothing about the movie except for the promo shot of the group: a wiseacre raccoon, a skinny chick with a sliced-up face, an enormous man with red scars all over his body, some sort of live tree that reminded me of David Bryne and, of course, that dorky dipshit from Parks and Recreation. “I’m a girrrllll,” I explained to my husband, about why I didn’t want to see it. No Max Max for me. Guns, trucks, loud noise, blowing up things.

But it’s not like Mad Max, the precious person I married argued, does ’80s music sound like Mad Max? This perplexed him. He pointed out that I had willingly gone to see Dr. Strange. “Because I’m a girrrllll.” It took him a few minutes but then he realized that some women would watch Benedict Cumberbatch read the obituaries. Long story short, I relented, watched the movie on TV, and then decided we could go to one of our favorite Sacramento movie theaters to see Guardians of the Galaxy, Vol 2.

We had not yet been to the Century Arden theater since they had torn down the domes and constructed this state-of-the-art movie theater on Ethan Way. The size of the complex is enormous. A stylishly coiffed woman greeted us as we entered, took my cell and scanned my Fandango icon, which is self service. Two tickets popped out. Popcorn and self-serve soft drinks are to the right, she said, and fried chicken, pizza, other food, along with beer and wine to the left.

Oh, this was a different experience. Two ticket takers grabbed our tickets and directed us down a long hall. With every step, popcorn kernels fell from my overstuffed bag, like Hansel and Gretel dropping breadcrumbs to find their way back. I felt like a sloppy guest making an unwelcome mess out of a lovely scene, like every time Donald Trump enters a room. Anywhere.

But then I remembered I had preselected seats through Fandango. An aisle greeter helped us to find our seats in the dark. The seats felt like luxurious leather. Like an oversized massage chair. My fingers found a button that simultaneously raised the foot rest and lowered the seat back. Hey, this was almost better than First Class on Air France.

And now, I am completely ruined. I can no longer go to any other Sacramento movie theaters after visiting Century Arden 14. You gotta try this. I can’t believe we once had to sit straight up in a crummy auditorium chair to watch a movie.

The movie? It was enjoyable and a lot of fun. Even though out of all the music over the last five decades of our last century, I would not say I much cared for the 1980s, it fit the story. If you ask me, the 1980s was the worst decade ever for just about anything. But then I didn’t graduate high school in 1980, like some people related to me. And that dork from Parks and Recreation? He is all grown up now, pumped and buffed.