The Eddie Izzard of Short Sales

This is like the Eddie Izzard of short sale stories, a Chase Bank short sale in Rancho Cordova. I mention Eddie Izzard because we went to Mondavi to see him last night. He is such a hilarious performer. We were all of 3 people, my husband says, who watched The Riches and felt so grossly disappointed when the show was canceled on FX. It wasn’t fair. Eddie Izzard and Minnie Driver sucked you in, captivated, entertained and then tossed you to the curb like a dead rat they grew tired of torturing. Some short sales are like that, too. Except short sales are not available at Netflix.

We had made a dinner reservation before the show through Open Table at Morton’s. Only because Morton’s had sent me a postcard showcasing filet mignon paired with Australian lobster tail — ah, the power of four-color marketing. Ah, the power of discount pricing at $49.95. I might be the best Sacramento short sale agent in Northern California, but I can’t pass up a deal. I did, however, manage a few bites of my steak before my husband asked if it was possible that our server had mixed them up. Sure enough, he had the medium rare while I was left thinking that perhaps Morton’s simply did not know how to prepare a medium-rare steak and maybe I should send it back. Mine was definitely medium.

The had switched our steaks by mistake. My husband prefers medium, while I like mine pretty much dripping in blood, just like my trustee auctions. Actually, we had postponed this particular trustee auction at least 8 times. It’s enough of a hassle to postpone an auction once. We started the Chase Bank short sale in February. My seller called to say she had just canceled her listing because her previous short sale agent could not manage to negotiate her short sale. This was a Chase short sale in which Chase had preapproved the seller and offered her $25,000 to do a short sale.

Yes, this Chase Bank short sale offered $25,000 in cash in hand at closing to sell a $95,000 home in Rancho Cordova. Sounds pretty incredible, doesn’t it? Almost as absurd as the fact that Morton’s, an establishment known for excellence, could manage to mixup our steaks. But life is often weirder than it seems.

The problem with cash in a short sale is always the second lender. If there is a second lender. Because no second lender wants to take it in the shorts and let a seller walk away with cash when they get jack crap. Chase Bank has its reasons for wanting to give $25,000 to the seller. Don’t ask me why or I’d have to kill you. Trying to talk Chase Bank out of wanting to give $25,000 to the seller is almost as difficult as trying to talk the second lender into letting the seller have the $25,000. It’s a damned if you do and damned if you don’t.

I sold this Rancho Cordova short sale twice, too. The first short sale buyer walked away after two months and just before approval. That’s not unusual. But the second buyer hung in there, and we closed escrow yesterday. The seller ended up with $3,000 in cash and no foreclosure. Yay. Nine months to close this Rancho Cordova short sale. You can get pregnant and deliver a baby in 9 months! But I never give up. Just like Eddie Izzard, I keep on doing my thing. We’re better off for it.