Hearing Aids and the Location of Your Cellphone Microphone

Eh, I can’t hear you, don’t have my hearing aid.

Huh, eh? What’s that? I can’t hear you. Is it just me or does there seem to be a rising number of hearing aid advertising around us? Everywhere you look; it’s ubiquitous. Billboards. Bus stops. Print. And the prices always seem to be a big secret, which tells me there is a huge profit margin in hearing aids.

Many years ago, I read an article in the Sacramento Bee about hearing aids. The American Hearing Loss Association says hearing loss is the most common chronic ailment prevalent among seniors — but of course they would say that. Apparently, 4 out 5 over the age of 80 can’t hear a darned thing. And that could be a good thing.

You want me to do WHAT? Can’t hear you. Go away.

Rock ‘n’ roll made me almost half deaf. So did sticking soda straws in one of my ears when I was eight. Why do people do stuff like that? I dunno. Why do kids stick crayons up their nose? Because they can. Nobody ever warned me: don’t stick a straw into your ear canal. I knew there was a way I could blame my parents for this. Or, maybe I read the back of those boxes for QTips that warns you should not use a QTip for the purpose for which it is intended and figured a soda straw would do the trick.

Somebody posted a cartoon on a website I frequent that shows an old person reaching for the dial to turn down the music. The caption is: You know you’re old when . . . The problem with that is if you can’t hear it, why would you turn it down?

This article in the Sac Bee says some seniors don’t buy hearing aids because they are vain. What’s that? You kids get offa my lawn. Thanks goodness I finally figured out the reason people haven’t been able to hear me is because I’ve been talking to the face of my cellphone. To the glass. I quit wearing a Bluetooth last year because my phone pairs so nicely with my new car.

No wonder people cart around their phones like a serving tray, holding the phone flat in the air and perpendicular to their lips. The microphone is at the bottom. Duh. When the time comes, I won’t hesitate to buy a hearing aid. No sirree. That way I’ll have an excuse, eh, can’t hear you; I’m not wearing my hearing aid.

For now, I hear you loud and clear. I have one really good ear. I use it. You want to sell a home in Sacramento, then call this top producer Sacramento Realtor, Elizabeth Weintraub, at 916 233 6759.