The Unintended Consequences of Fixing a Mailbox in Land Park

Hand putting new mail in a full mailbox in Land Park.

Here is what you don’t do. You don’t stick a flashlight between your teeth to hold the light steady while you’re pounding away with a hammer. Part of the reason not to hold a flashlight in your teeth is evident. As you pound, you might grit your teeth in relation to the increased force used to slam a nail. Or, at least that’s my theory and I’m sticking with it because yesterday I broke a crown in half. The tooth simply snapped. It wouldn’t have been so bad, probably, if it was a located in the back of my jaw but it has to be, of course, a front tooth. Now I look like a bag lady.

The good news is our mailbox slot is fixed. Our home in Land Park was built in 1948, and like most homes of that vintage, we have a front closet near the front door, which makes a perfect place to install a mailbox slot on the outside of the house because all of the mail can fall safely inside the closet, not on the floor where some wild beast wandering about might attack or shred it.

I’d like to take credit for initially installing the mail slot but the previous owners created the system. You lift the flap on the outside of the brick, deposit mail and it falls down a metal lined chute through the force of gravity. A small door blocks the mail. When you open the door, the mail falls into your hands. It’s better than finding the mail tossed on the front steps, which is how many residents in Land Park receive mail and oversized envelopes. The mail carrier has to fold large envelopes in half but he can stuff them down our mailbox chute.

Somehow, while we were on vacation in Cuba, our mailbox door detached itself from the inside closet wall. It was a big annoyance, which is why I was sitting on the floor yesterday holding a hammer and trying to nail the door to the wall in the dark like an idiot. Finally, I got up to locate a flashlight, but you really need two hands to hammer, and that’s why the flashlight ended up in my mouth.

Dr. Coyle in Midtown will not be pleased to note the condition of my tooth today. Hey, yah, I put the crown under my pillow but the tooth fairy skipped our house last night. No million bucks under my pillow.