A Massage at the Four Seasons Spa in Lanai

You would not believe how much the spa at Four Seasons in Lanai charges for a small bottle of make-up remover. I purposely did not pack make-up remover in my luggage because I am traveling very light for my month-long winter vacation. Besides, I don’t wear a lot of makeup while on vacation.

The thought of buying make-up remover at the spa popped into my brain because the staff at this resort are continually asking for my opinion on everything. If they would just assume everything is perfect in paradise, I wouldn’t have to point out such things as the mold in the bathtub grout or ask if I can buy a soft wash cloth because theirs has been washed so many times it scratches my face like sandpaper. My eyelids were rough and puffy from scrubbing off mascara with a wash cloth from the Clinton administration. I don’t want to be that person who consistently complains. Like that hotel guest my husband and I still chuckle about from the Big Island who snorted in her upper-crest accent to the server: a biiiiiiiirrrrd touched my foooooooooood.

I found a small bottle of make-up remover on the shelf in the reception area of the Four Seasons spa and handed it to the woman behind the counter, asking her to please hold it and ring it up when my massage was finished. Ah, a relaxing massage. I knew they would be asking me about it when it was over. Wanting to know what I thought.

I don’t know about you, but I am tired of being asked my opinion. My opinion doesn’t matter. Nary a day goes by when I don’t get an email from some institution or corporate enterprise wanting to know what they can do to improve service. Here, take this survey and we’ll enter you in a sweepstakes. I suppose it’s a proactive way to ward off bad 0nline reviews from disgruntled customers. It’s certainly not for my benefit. And I wish it would stop.

In fairness, the guy rated about 3.9 out of 5.0 but there was no reason to tell him that. He doesn’t need to know what I think. On the other hand, here are my thoughts about a massage in general. The way I see it, there are 3 types of masseuses.

1) The masseuse who uses the same technique time and time again for the same type of massage. They have a shtick, stuff they do on everybody. If they massage one foot with the thumb upstroke, you can pretty much count on them massaging your other foot in the same manner.

2) Then you’ve got the masseuse who is very intuitive and views each massage as a work in process. They instinctively know when they hit a knotted spot in your back or neck, and they massage it out and search for similar spots on the other side. They know just what to do to relieve a pain you didn’t know you had.

3) And then you’ve got the ones who wing it and do whatever they feel like doing at the moment. Maybe they are playing an instrument on your back and get caught up in the movement of the symphony. That’s what this guy was like. Unpredictable movements but yet relaxing and enjoyable.

From now on, everything is awesome. I’m not rating things or complaining or making suggestions about anything, not even my dislike of using stone bowls for sorbet at Nobu.

Afterward, at the counter, they presented me with the bill. The massage was reasonable but the bottom line seemed very high. No wonder, the line item entered for the make-up remover was $325! I choked on my ginger tea infused with honey. What? Miss, I’m afraid you made a mistake on the invoice.

No, ma’am, this bottle of make-up remover is $325. It’s our signature make-up remover line.

I had no idea. I told her I’d be willing to pay $32 but not ten times that amount. That’s ridiculous. Even $32 is a lot when you can buy make-up remover at the drugstore for $3.00.

When I sat down for lunch a few minutes later, I couldn’t help but ask the server if she knew how much the Four Seasons spa make-up remover costs. When I whispered $325 a bottle, her eyes bugged out. She asked: what’s in the make-up remover?

Heaven, I guess.

Then she asked if I bought it.

Do I like a stupid person to you?

No, ma’am, she chuckled.